Patterns of Grief

The holidays can be a difficult time when coping with the loss of a loved one. Grief is experienced over the grandparent who is lost just as much as it is for the unborn child who was lost to miscarriage. Grief is an intense and powerful emotion, particularly when the parent has suffered irrevocable loss. It is a normal reaction to a distressing situation.

It can help a grieving person to become familiar with changes in their emotional reactions. Expressing sorrow and a sense of loss can be important. It is often helpful to talk with another person who has had a similar experience– they can most convincingly say that time really does make a differenceand things will not always look as they do today.

It is normal for parents to express grief in different ways. Mothers generally need to “talk out” their grief, while fathers tend to suffer in silence.

Children are affected in some way by the death of an infant brother or sister, even those children who are born after the loss. Many factors influence how they handle this upsetting event. These include the age of the child, other experiences with loss, intellectual and emotional maturity, how secure they feel with their parents, how long the pregnancy lasted, their involvement with the preparations for the baby, how long the baby lived, how long the mother and the child at home were separated.

Everyone who loves is vulnerable to the pain of grief, for love means attachment and all human attachments are subject to loss. But, grief should not and need not be a destructive emotion. “Knowledge cannot erase the emotions accompanying grief but knowledge can help us guide ourselves and others toward recovery. The feelings that come with grief can be used creatively- to bind individuals more closely together and to strengthen their sense of purpose.”- Bernadine Kreis

If you or a family member are grieving over the loss of a child or a loved one, here are some numbers you can call for help:

Kids West 853-4066

Public Health 859-8720

Internet:

Sidelines

A Place to Remember

National Share Office

New Car Seat Regulations

You may have seen on the news that regulations for car seats are changing in Canada as of January 1, 2010. We have received many questions concerning this. Some parents are wondering if they will need to go out and buy a new seat. Some are wondering why they are making seats bigger for children, questioning childhood obesity as the reason for the change.

Unfortunately this is one way in which the media has misconstrued public information. The good news is, there is no need to worry about your child’s car seat! I spoke with Valerie Lee from the Infant and Toddler Safety Association of Canada and she gave me the answers to some of your questions.

First off, there will not be a shortage of car seats in the new year. The new regulations have changed so that they are accepting car seats that can go up to 65lbs. A couple of years ago these seats were introduced to the Canadian market, but were not tested under the CSA standard. Before these seats came out forward facing 5 point harness car seats only went up to 48lbs. Now they go up to 65lbs. which is great because the longer you can keep your child in a 5 point harness, the safer your child will be.

There are also new regulations for forward facing car seats. It used to be that when your child was a year old and 20lbs. they could be turned from rear facing to forward facing. The new regulations add on that your child must be able to walk unassisted also before they are forward facing. In the same way as the five point harness is safest, the longer you can keep your child rear facing the safer your child is.

So, there is nothing to be concerned about. The seats are not going to look any different, you are just going to be able to use them longer. We have already had these seats in Canada for three years, so there should not be any shortage in them.

If you have any questions, please post a comment or give us a call at Kids West 853-4066.

National Child Day

National Child Day is celebrated on November 20th each year. The date marks the occasion when Canada adopted the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC), spelling out the basic human rights for children and youth.

Go to the National Child Day website (www.childday.gc.ca) for information and resources about National Child Day and the UNCRC to help promote awareness and ways to celebrate. You’ll find:

• educational resources to share with your school or in your community,
• information for parents and caregivers to share with children
• fun links for kids to explore and a colouring poster
• a new youth corner that explains the special rights of children so they can take an active role and help spread the word

Have a Safe and Happy Halloween!

Remember getting all dressed in your costume to go trick-or-treating? Pure spooky joy. To keep it fun, everyone needs to stay safe. Here are 13 helpful tips to make sure your kids have a healthy and happy Halloween.

• Have adult supervision. Accompany your kids if you don’t think they’re old enough to trick-or-treat on their own.
• There is safety in numbers. If they’re old enough to trick-or-treat without an adult, tell your kids to stay in a group.
• Map out your plan. Designate a route before your kids begin trick-or-treating, and make sure they stick to it.
• Take the long way ’round. Have your kids trick-or-treat in areas where there are a lot of people around. They should also avoid taking short-cuts through alleys and parking lots.
• Try tick-or-treat-friendly homes. Ensure your kids only visit houses with lights on. And, you might also suggest the houses they visit have some sort of Halloween decoration on the porch.
• Stay outside. Make sure your kids don’t go inside someone’s house. They can get their candy from the porch.
• Remain visible. Dress your kids in a bright costume so others can see them. If their costume is dark, have your kids wear reflective strips or carry a glow stick or flashlight.
• Remember, shorter = safer.Goes without saying but just in case you forget, ensure your kids’ costumes aren’t so long that they can trip over them.
• Don’t cover the face. Instead of masks, have your kids wear make-up so they can see better.
• Quality-check treats. Check your kids’ candy before they eat it. Throw out any candy that is not in its original wrapper or looks like it has been tampered with.
• Say “no” to strangers.Tell your kids to never accept a ride or go anywhere with a stranger.
• Obey the law. Encourage your kids to follow all the regular rules for walking around. That includes looking both ways before crossing, obeying all traffic laws and using cross walks and crossing lights where available.
• Have a great time! Finally, make sure your kids have tons of fun and get lots and lots of candy.

Courtesy of Kaboose.com

Leaf Rubbings

Here is a fun craft to do with your kids before all the leaves blow away! All you have to do is go out into your yard and pick up some of the fallen leaves, get some crayons and paper and tape and get started! Tape the leaf stem to the table, make sure it is vein side up. Lay a piece of paper over the leaf. Tape the corners of the paper to the table. Firmly rub the crayon over the leaf and watch as the pattern appears!

I was a better Mom before I had kids!

“I was a better Mom before I had kids.” This is the title of the 4 Mothers latest blog post. Have you ever caught yourself thinking the same thing? Read through Beth-Anne’s top ten and see if it resonates with some of the things you told yourself before you had kids!

“Before I had kids I was . . .

1. Never going to let my kids sleep in my bed.
2. Never going to allow the T.V. to be on while we ate meals.
3. Never going to bribe my children to be on their best behaviour.
4. Never going to applaud/cheer when my child peed in the toilet.
5. Never going to allow my kids to have a dirty face, dirty hands or wear dirty clothes in public.
6. Never going to leave the house looking like a disheveled mess (i.e. hair a mess, track pants, no make-up, etc.)
7. Never going to use the T.V. as a babysitter so I could: a) have a shower b) talk on the phone c) do anything else for myself.
8. Never going to lose my cool during a temper tantrum.
9. Never going to feed my children anything less than the healthiest, most organic, delicious food. 
10. Never going to give them a made up answer to any of their questions, no matter how challenging the answer would be, no matter how uncomfortable I would be, no matter how long the conversation needed to go on.

To all of you mothers and fathers, what are some of the things you promised you would never do as a parent that you have found yourself doing since having children?

To read more go to 4 Mothers

If you could go back…

This week at Baby Connections we showed a video that was passed onto us by one of our participants. It was called “Reflections of Motherhood.” The video asked the question: “If you could go back to right before you had your first child…what would you tell yourself?” Here are some of the responses of our Baby Connections participants:

“Life is going to change for the better!”

“Enjoy your long showers before the baby comes!”

“Until you hold your baby and watch them grow, only then will you truly know how much patience you have.”

“Enjoy each precious moment.”

“This will be the best thing that ever happens to you.”

“Sleep now!”

Check out the video for yourself, and then be sure to leave us a comment answering the question for yourself! If you could go back, what would you tell yourself?

Coping with Miscarriage

Miscarriage occurs in roughly one in four pregnancies. But the fact that it is so common doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. It takes time to heal and it helps to have someone to share your experiences with. Kids West has open doors and open hearts for anyone coping with the loss of their baby. If you feel like you aren’t at the place where you can talk to someone about it here’s somewhere to share your pain and loss – and your hopes for the future – with others who have experienced miscarriage.

School Readiness is Fun!

Many parents have been asking us if we will be doing a school readiness program in the future. The answer is YES! we will be starting a program called School is Cool. Go here to watch the video to learn more. This is a brand new program which provides the opportunity for children and their care givers a chance to work together to become ready for school. It is a play based program that promotes key skills such as team work, listening, waiting in turn and cooperation. For children who will start Kindergarten in the following year. This is an 8 week program Must Pre Register by Calling 853-4066. Limited Spaces. The start date for this program is Wednesday, October 6, and it will be held every Wednesday from 1:30-2:30 at Kids West.

But…in the mean time, check out this cool website! Starfall.com is a great, interactive website that is easy to use and fun for the whole family! If you are looking for more interactive learning websites like this one, go to your local elementary school’s website and they will have loads more websites under their “students” section for children to play and learn on.

Also! On September 22 at 6pm here at Kids West we will be hosting Preschool Yoga! So be sure to come out and take in all the fun!

Free Diaper Bag

Everyone loves getting things for free, and here at Kids West we try to find as many free samples as we can for our new mothers! Here are a few we have heard about recently:

Nestle.ca is offering a free diaper bag to anyone who signs up for their Nestle Baby program, its Free and filled with samples of baby formula and much more! Go here to learn more about it and while you are there, check out the site, it has lots of great information for new mothers!

The other freebie we have heard about is found at Udder Covers, for those Moms who plan to nurse their babies this is a great breastfeeding cloth that you can use and they come in many different styles! All you need to do is go to their website and choose your cover and when you go to check out use the promo code “onefree”. All you have to do is pay $9.00US for the shipping!

So, what other offers are out there that we don’t know about?

Do you know of any other great freebies you could share with us?